Want to make a lasting change in your life?

It is a truism that many of us spend more time planning a vacation than we do our life. It would be sad to wake up when we are 70 or 80 years old and say to our self, “Is that all there is to life? It wasn’t such a great journey.” Here’s how to get closer to realizing your dreams.

Most people get so caught up in day-to-day activities that they never come close to realizing the full potential of their lifelong dreams.

Imagine getting on a plane without a destination in mind… you can either have a good or bad experience. If you know your destination, it is more likely that you will have a good experience.

If you are skeptical that goal setting has little to do with what happens in your life, then try this simple test. Write a list of all the major events that have happened in your life, this year and last year.

Then ask yourself, “How much control did I have over those events?” In most cases, you will find that you held the major influence of what transpired in your life.

In life we spend more time trying to avoid pain, rather than seeking pleasure. For example - deciding to change jobs without being pushed to leave. “Well I may not be marketable….. I don’t have the skills….the pay may be less,” etc.

If the goal relates to exercise, many people have a hard time starting because of the thought of initial muscle soreness.

Many self-help and self-change programs relating to exercise; quitting vices such as smoking, gambling and drinking; losing weight; or saving money are just scams. As an example, people have spent billions of dollars trying to lose weight, and keep it off - the yo-yo effect.

Motivation alone will not do it, although it is an important starting point.

There has been some excellent research conducted in relation to achieving success and other types of self-change programs, and I rely heavily on the work of Martin Seligman [Authentic Happiness and Learned Optimism]; Prochaska, Norcross, and Diclemente [Changing for Good]; and Robert Epstein, PhD [Self-help Without the Hype].

Beyond having motivation, it is timely to remember that in many cases we are trying to break habits that have developed over a long period of time. Replacing old habits with new habits that will eventually become ingrained takes both time and a consistent effort. In many cases we give up too soon before the new habit becomes embedded.

What I did not fully appreciate initially is that there are six stages of change: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination.

If you try to make a change when you are still in the stages of pre-contemplation or contemplation ["I'm just thinking about making a change"], efforts may possibly fail which can trigger a negative thought pattern. Failure to successfully implement a change in lifestyle can add to your discouragement and cause despair regarding your ability to make changes.

You may even be in denial that there is a problem, or a need to change. Only the people around you may see the issue. For example, being a workaholic and having your health suffer as a consequence.

Your goal as a pre-contemplator is to become a contemplator (e.g. “I think I would like to lose weight”), and not begin a major action plan. The goal is to move to thinking through the preparation stage to outlining a Course of Action (e.g. “I will start an exercise routine, and go on a balanced diet”).

Only at that point, having carefully gone through the six stages, is it likely that you will be truly motivated to make the change.

Let us now explore motivation.

Self Motivation

This is central to everything positive that you want to do in your life. Arguably, it is even more important than your self esteem!

Why? Because if you want to improve your self esteem or improve yourself in any way at all, you first need the inner desire and will to do so.

I hear you saying that not everything comes from within. You may be motivated by external factors, others may encourage you to start something new or to begin moving in a positive direction. You can be motivated by faith, by your belief in God and in doing what is right. You can even be motivated by negative events that can prompt a positive achievement. But what is the result of these external factors? Self Motivation - you alone are moved to achieve something you badly want.

Why you need self motivation

You cannot always rely on others to encourage you. If you have positive friends who are always there when you need them, then you are indeed lucky and very much in the minority. If you are lonely or have few friends when you face any difficulties in your life, you must rely on your own motivation to get you through. Lack of self motivation at that time could lead to depression.

You need self motivation to achieve. If you don’t encourage yourself to accept opportunity and challenge, who will?
To plan and find direction in your life.
To take up a new activity, hobby or challenge.
To be enthusiastic about life and living.
To have the courage to see things through from start to finish despite setbacks or negative comments from others.

This is not an exhaustive list because self motivation is so important in every aspect of your life. The very fact that you are searching for answers and trying to improve yourself shows that you are motivated.

What if you lack self motivation, “How can I become motivated again?” Good question!

Here are some suggestions:

Focus on what you really enjoy doing, maybe on something you want to take up or on a hobby you’ve always wanted to devote more time to. What’s stopping you? Think about giving it priority to start doing what you love doing.
Make a list of things you’d like to improve on and how you’re going to do it.
Review all the successes you’ve enjoyed in every area of your life, totally forget any negatives, just positive successes here!
Start an exercise program - force yourself to do it, it’ll make you feel much more positive. [exercise has proven effective in helping people to deal with stress and mild depression]
Contact a positive friend and have a chat.
Read inspiring books that will energize your mind and improve your attitude.

A lack of motivation happens to us all!

Even the most positive of people sometimes face a situation in which they lack motivation.

This happens to us all because we all face similar or even identical difficulties in life.

True, you may be affected more or less than others because you react differently to the challenges and setbacks which you face. It is your attitude and responses to life which dictate how you feel.

There are a variety of reasons why people succeed. Some factors can be changed and some cannot.

For example, we do not all have the potential to succeed in every activity. An average golfer is likely to become better through practice, but not all of us have the potential to be a Tiger Woods. Our own physical limitations or capacities may prohibit this. But we can still be the best we aspire to be.

I believe in the power of positive self-talk, and people tend to have four underlying beliefs in relation to a successful outcome:

1. I choose to succeed.
2. I can succeed.
3. I will succeed.
4. I have succeeded.

For me, the positive affirmation “I have succeeded” works best. I can visualize how I feel having achieved the goal. When I had a goal to run a half-marathon in under ninety minutes, I visualized myself crossing the finish line with the clock showing 89 minutes and the celebration which followed.

It took many attempts to achieve the goal, and in the process I had to change habits. My old habit was to run long distances, and my new habit became sprinting between telegraph poles. I had to practice this new habit for months before it became ingrained.

I posted my positive affirmation on my computer as my screen-saver, and on a piece of paper attached to my bathroom mirror. Last thing at night I would say to myself, “I run half-marathons in 89 minutes.” Likewise, when I looked in the mirror the next morning, those were my first spoken words of the day. I could even see the smile on my face as I sprinted across the finish line.

Often we have a dream of what we would like to do differently or better, and yet many of the ideas for change that we have for ourselves fall flat. Why is that?

Sometimes we think we would like to make a change, but in reality, when it comes to the crunch, we are not really committed to making the change over the long-term.

Remember, motivation comes from within. So now we have established the starting point of really being motivated to make the change.

From here I recommend steps you may wish to follow in order to have a 92% or better chance of succeeding.

Your self-change will work if you remember these vital steps:

•1. Keep a log. If you want to change what you do….. you have to know what it is that you do today, and each day…. Keep a log for at least 21 days. After all, if you don’t know how you currently spend your time, how will you know what it is you need to change?

2. Set a specific goal and establish mini-steps towards that goal. Write them down. A goal without a written plan is just a dream.
3. Modify your environment. e.g., Change your surroundings; block out time to do planning [the same time each day or week]; consider moving your desk; get rid of your In-Tray; don’t look at or answer emails one day a week; or re-arrange your kitchen. You see, your brain needs to see a physical change to reinforce “Hmm wait a minute, something different is going on here.”
4. Solicit the help of a buddy or “unreasonable friend.” We need honest feedback, and sometimes a boost to our morale. Making a significant change is a slow process - use a buddy system or coach. You don’t need to pay a coach, but make sure you regularly meet with an objective person, one who will keep you on track.
5. Pursue your goals. Commit to pursuing those goals as part of your daily routine for at least 45 days. Remember, many of your old habits built up over a period of years. Allowing 45 days of consciously changed behavior will empower you to become permanently reprogrammed.
Reward yourself as you achieve milestones, and goals.

So now it is time to ask yourself ….

What is the pain that is keeping me from achieving my goals?

What pleasure have I gotten from not following through?

What will it cost me [emotionally] if I don’t act?

What will I gain by acting right now?

Think of how powerful it is to imagine yourself in the future state…. What are the great feelings associated with your success? Imagine what that success will feel, taste and look like…positive affirmations morning and night…. And perhaps even forming or joining a MasterMind group.

[MasterMind Group participants raise the bar by challenging each other to create and implement goals, brainstorm ideas, and support each other with total honesty, respect and compassion. MasterMind participants act as catalysts for growth, devil's advocates and supportive colleagues.]

……and a personal Action Plan that is not too overwhelming… only one or two priority goals, and perhaps 3 - 4 action steps for each during the next month…. Baby steps and success towards each major goal….

Doing it Differently - making a motivated change to some aspect of your life

So, here we are, in order to get the most out of each aspect of your life, it is helpful to have an overall life plan from which you can set specific goals over both the short and long-term.

Your life plan will include the dimensions:

- Health & Physical
- Spiritual
- Educational & Emotional balance
- Family & Home
- Social and Cultural
- Career and Financial

Developing a Life Plan - or sub-goal in any of those categories.

Write them down. In each area of your life, determine where you have opportunities for growth and achievement, then write them down on the following form. Use a separate form for each area of your life. Written goals carry more mental weight than the fleeting goals set only in our minds.

Remember you are writing goals down not only for reinforcement, but also to add to them, modify them, and to delete them as you make progress and achieve success in completing goals.

Prioritize the List. Once you have written down items in each area of your life, consider the priority of each item. All of us have a “wish list” of things we would like to accomplish. Then there are those things that are really important to us. If you don’t separate out those things that are really important and afford them a priority, then there is a tendency to focus on those items on your “wish list” Instead. Wish list items tend to be fun, are usually easy to accomplish, and in our mind there are no consequences if we do not complete them.

Review Goals in each area of your life. Your time is finite, and the worst thing that can happen is that you set yourself up to fail by taking on too much.

This review provides you with the opportunity to ask:

- How many hours per week or month in total do I have to work on these goals?
- How important really is the goal?
- Does it deserve such a high priority?
- Given these goals, and their reaffirmed priority, what is the best time each day to review goal progress and successes, and plan my activities for the next day?

Your daily personal planning session. It only takes 20 - 30 minutes each day to review your progress and to develop a list of things to be done the next day toward your high priority goals. This list will include both the “must do” and the “want to do.”

Even if you get busy, you will get all those items on the “must do” list completed and can move the remainder to the next day.

Put yourself under pressure. I have found that with a very short list, items tend to get stretched out to fill up the time available. If the list is longer, it provides healthy pressure. On the other hand, don’t set the number of goals so unrealistically high that you set yourself up to fail by feeling that you never accomplish anything.

Remember that you will not have equal amounts of time available every day, and there may be some days where you just cannot get to your Life Plan. That’s all right, it happens to all of us. Be sure however that you take the 20 - 30 minutes for planning during your quiet time so that you do keep your goals in mind, and when time permits, get back on track with your daily activities.

Use a Daily Planner. Your life goals simply will not be a priority unless you put them in your daily planner. Record them in your palm, handheld, laptop, or desktop if that is what best suits your style, but I have found that despite those aids, a written daily planner provides me with the best ongoing aid to getting things done as I go through the day. It always stays in front of me.

“I’ve tried to do this kind of process in the past and failed.”

If you want to do something better, then under my approach, you had better do something different. If you want to do something different, then you had better change your behavior. You now have the strategies to be successful.

By following the six-step process and then committing to the follow-through, then things won’t be “done to you,” rather, you will control your future successes.

Remember these vital steps: